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About twice a year, when I hear the song, I head over to Youtube and I watch the video.
There’s not much to it. It’s just him on a beach, walking at dawn, in the rain.
So simple. And yet so effective.
What always surprises me is how young he is. He’s just a baby! Baby Martin…..
The video is nearly twenty four years old and every time I watch it I am instantly taken back to the start of the millennium.
As I watch this skinny boy, who we’ve all seen grow into a man, with his cagoule and baggy 90’s jeans, he makes me think of all the boys I loved and some who I still love now. He reminds me of the excitement, and fear, I had for life when I was twenty two but most importantly I remember the hope.
I remember the hope so vividly.
Alison was over from America when the song had just been released. Our Mothers met when they were just about still teenagers and we first met when we were almost teenagers. She was staying with one of her childhood friends in a flat that is walking distance from where I live now. We were sleeping on a blow up bed in the living room and played this new song, by this cool new band, on repeat until late at night.
We were adults now. All grown up at the age of twenty two. We no longer had to see each other with our parents. We travelled alone and could meet up independently.
That night we talked about our boyfriends and our jobs and where next we would visit in the world. We also discussed the hopes and dreams we had for our futures.
The funny thing is that they weren’t really hopes and dreams. To us they were facts. We were still young enough and naive enough to believe that what we wanted in life was going to be a certainty.
I knew, I just knew, that by the age of thirty five I was going to be living and working in Hollywood. I also knew I would be married with three children. Thirty five was unbelievably far away and by then I believed I would have everything I thought I wanted.
What I thought I knew my life would be like was because I’d been programmed to think that marriage and children was what happened to everyone. Especially women. And a career doing what you set out to do in life was simply a given.
I was living in the most exciting city in the world where anyones hopes and dreams could come true. I worked part time in a restaurant {because that’s what all actors did} but I was also in a theatre company that was performing regular plays. The plays would lead to an agent which meant I would be in a bigger play, then a TV show or two and then onto the movies. In ‘Hollywood’.
That was how it worked, right? The marriage and kids would just naturally happen because….well, because….that’s how it worked, right?
When I look at Baby Martin I see all of that and it makes me smile. I don’t mind that I had an insane amount of blind faith in my future back then. What else propels you forward? What else gets you excited about life at that age?
Resolution: a firm decision to do or not to do something
Plan: a detailed proposal for doing or achieving something
I don't like making resolutions for the start of a new year but I do like to make plans. The difference is small but, for me, it works. There was no plan for a while last year and it threw me. It took a long time to get back on track but I managed it. I clawed my way back and made a few plans for 2024.
Sex and Writing 😜
Not necessarily in that order but they are the two things I am aiming to do more of in the next twelve months. They will, no doubt, inform each other and are two things that make me happy. The plan is that they will be bigger and better than they’ve been before. {No offence to anyone I’ve had sex with in the past but you know…..What’s life without improvement!}
There aren’t any certainties anymore. I don’t have the luxury of youth on my side and the feeling that I know exactly what my life will turn out like….but there is still hope.
The hopes are broader and more inclusive than my young hopes for the year 2000.
I hope that no one dies this year. I asked my oldest friend on Christmas Eve if 2023 had been a good year for her.
It has She replied Because no one I love died
I hope that’s the same for this year.
I also hope that no one gets sick. Like really sick. The kind of sick that makes everyone worry. I’m mostly talking about Cancer but other illnesses are included. I think Cancer’s time is up and it really needs to do one. No one is remotely interested in it and quite frankly no one invited it to the party. Ever. I hope that 2024 is a year that it touches no one I love.
I hope for easier things too like a really, really good Summer, some peace for all my friends who have children, lots of laughs, page turning books, a positive perimenopause.
And I hope that one, just one, of the couples I know in a heteronormative relationship, who decides to get married, I hope that he takes her name. No fuss. No fanfare. No ‘Isn’t he brave’. I also hope that if they decide to have children they will have her name too.
No fuss. No fanfare. So simple yet so effective.
I also hope for an iota of the success Now Grown Up Baby Martin has……
We can all live in hope, right?
*******
For me, The way my writing will be bigger and better this year is because I’m going to be held accountable for delivering you my work.
With that in mind I’m going to turn on paid subscriptions. I will continue to post bi monthly and for just £3.50 each month {or £50 a year…you do the maths} you can read the contents of my brain.
You can hear my recommendations on what to read and watch and listen to. There will be fun short stories, chapters from my soon to be bestselling, as yet still unpublished book ‘Not So Funny Girl’. Maybe I’ll throw in some fiction writing for you and you can also learn about fabulous, older women who I think we should all know more about.
If you can’t afford it that’s ok. I’ve been there and I don’t want to leave anyone out. There will still be one stand alone article that’s free a month.
OR you can just email me and I will gift you a free subscription. No questions asked. I want everyone to still be a part of this community I’m building and join in my plans for 2024.
I do hope you come along for the ride……🫶🏽
Prague | December 2022
The Contents of My Consumption
~ Watching 📺~
Daisy And The Six | Amazon Prime
I didn’t read the book by Taylor Jenkins Reid but I was aware of the hype and absolutely loved this series on Amazon. The costumes alone made me want to dress in 70s style. And the songs! So good I’m listening to them on Spotify. It’s a broken love story which involves a lot of people just about hanging on so I did sometimes feel anxious watching it. Having said that I loved when I thought I knew the same old story of unrequited, rockstar love then was surprised by this modern, feminist story telling.
Next Goal Wins | In cinemas now
Fun fact: I love a sports film. Doesn’t matter what sport. I’ll watch anything and 99% of the time will love it. I think it’s something to do with the perseverance, the team work and the camaraderie. As I expected this football film, written and directed by Taika Waititi, was a corker. I laughed out loud often and it reminded me that funny, constant humour, within writing, can lead to the heartfelt bits being even sweeter.
~ Listening 🎧 ~
The Adam Buxton Podcast. Episode 216: Joe Lycett | Wherever you listen to your podcasts…
I view Joe Lycett a little like I view Zadie Smith. To me their work is the least exciting thing about them. I feel very comfortable listening to him talk and I really like the way he sees the world. I like how he analyses things and I love that he’s branched away from comedy. He’s political and stands by what he believes in. He also does artwork now. His artist side was reignited during lockdown, due to Grayson Perry’s Art Club, and he’s constantly amused as to where it’s taking him.
~ Reading 📖 ~
Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow | Gabrielle Zevin
Oh man….I read this 470 page book in 2 days. I could NOT put it down. I was so exhausted when I finished it. I’ve not been that gripped by a storyline since I read A Little Life last year. I was swayed by the beautiful cover but was a little put off when I heard it was about gaming. Don’t worry…it’s so much more than that. It’s about friendship, hard work, success and, as the blurb on the back says, ‘This is not a romance but it is a story about love’
Let the old dead make room for the young dead | Milan Kundera
I bought this short story from a book shop in Prague last December. When my brain was full before Christmas it was perfect for a couple of bus commutes. The writing is so easy to read and tells a tale of an older woman and a younger man who once had a dalliance and meet years later….Sounded all very familiar!
New York | November 2019
Happy New Year Lovers and welcome back 💫
Have you made any plans or resolutions for 2024? Do you live in hope for an exciting/adventurous/successful/healthy year ahead?
Let me know your dreams…Would love to hear from you.
Wonderful! I’m a subscriber.
Always love your writing. And I will pay for you to tell me the contents of your brain! And I’m going to steal one of your plans… more sex for 2024! Here’s to us!