How are we processing war?
In the age of social media how are we living our lives as well as dealing with the atrocities of war. Lots of questions, hoping to find answers. Also what I'm reading and watching. Come have a read...
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All eyes on Rafah
That’s what I’m being told to do.
Constantly.
Turn my attention to what is happening in Rafah.
My eyes are not on Rafah though. They’re on social media. Instagram to be precise. I see the images. I watch the reels. I ‘like’ the words.
I do eventually google what is happening in Rafah and briefly turn my eyes towards it.
I catch a headline or two and know it’s not good. I don’t read a whole article from start to finish though. It’s too early in the morning to feel sad. It’s also too long an article to read before I need to get off the bus.
I take a screenshot or I save it somewhere that I rarely look back at. I make a mental note to return to it at a later date. A time when I have the brain space to take in what is going on. This happens multiple times a day. The acknowledgement of something bad that I should pay attention to and the knowledge that I don’t have the time to take it in.
Then after a while I stop taking anything in.
The barrage of images and articles stop making an impact. I scroll through posts about war and dead children and see that they’re next to posts about Usher getting married after the Super Bowl. Oh look! someone I follow is on holiday in a place I really want to visit and someone else is promoting their small business…
The shouting that I MUST have my eyes on Rafah continues but then I see a shot of a beautiful, bright blue skied winter day and a fabulous outfit and a new collection at fashion week and Beyonce dropped her latest single and there’s another fabulous outfit but this time purchased from Vinted and I see someone’s bedroom they’ve just renovated and….
The juxtaposition of war and life continuing troubles me.
When I was growing up my parents watched the news every single night and I could not understand it. I thought it was the most boring thing in the world to do. There was only one channel and the news came on at 9 o’ clock on the dot. If they were out they would record it and watch it the next day.
The Sunday Papers arrived on Monday to our tiny island and the living room would be filled with newspapers and their supplements all week. There were limited avenues for finding out what was happening in the world. These were the two sources of their news. Nightly and weekly.
Now there are thousands of ways to hear about what is going on. You can watch or listen to the news on a 24 hour loop if you want. There are multiple sources. And by sources I also mean opinions. Opinions from celebrities and friends and people I don’t know but I like how they dress.
What are we all gaining from this bombardment of disturbing news information, band wagon opinions mixed in with beautifully curated lives?
And is any of it actually helping those in pain?
When it comes to the social media ‘news’, and the online protesting, does all the telling us what to think and how to feel and what needs to be done mean that those doing the posting are ‘right’?
That they are somehow superior to those who haven’t publicly acknowledged the current hot topic? Are those who shout the loudest and the most consistently the ones we should pay the most attention to?
I liked a video from The New York Times about an 11 year old talking about how she lost her whole family in Gaza and how she is in constant pain. I also liked a piece describing the rape and murder of women at the Israeli rave on October 7th.
I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean that I ‘liked’ these pieces.
When the war in the Middle East first started there was an almighty domino effect of influencers and pop stars and food bloggers and everyday people posting their thoughts about it. Those that took a few days, or even a few weeks, to say anything prefaced their posts with ‘I can’t not say anything and I feel it’s time I should comment…’, ‘It’s taken me a while to gather my thoughts but what I will say is…’
The fear of the peer pressure on these public figures, however small their following, to say something, anything, was palpable.
But of course, what they said, had to be the right thing. They couldn’t be seen to have a strong political leaning one way or another even though they’re expected, as a none political figure, to comment politically. There was a knee jerk reaction to post at least something so they didn’t look insensitive. Then, on occasion, there’s a swift retraction afterwards when they’ve been heavily criticised/trolled for thinking a certain way
After a while I found them disingenuous and, like I said, I stopped taking anything in.
What is gained from all these voices shouting into what is essential a big internet void? Is it actually helping the situation in the Middle East or is it simply amplifying the noise here in the West? Are those in power influenced by 250 celebrities signing a letter? Do our governments, already swayed to one side, notice as people post a story {Not on the grid mind you. Doesn’t go with the aesthetic of the brand} desperately demanding a ceasefire?
There’s also the constant reposts from sources unknown to me. Which statistics do I take in? Do I need to go and research those supposed news outlet sources and find out if they’re Pro Israeli or Pro Palestine? Does it matter?
What is the point in My thoughts and prayers are with the people affected? Are Will.I.Am’s prayers worth anything when you lose your whole family?
Is any of what we say actually useful?
Because that’s all we seem to be doing in these situations. Posting and reposting and shouting and showing that we’re engaged but then just as quickly we want people to see the beautiful sunset we’re experiencing and the tacos we made and the new shoes we’re wearing.
On 24th February it will be two years since the Ukraine war started. A war that saw the same domino effect of social media shouting. Marches and donation pages and anger and Ukraine flags being hung up in solidarity. I even knew people who went to the Hungarian/Ukraine border to help with those fleeing their invaded country.
Now I hear nothing.
I see nothing and read nothing about that war that continues today.
I also hear nothing about support for the Iranian women who still defy their government and refuse to wear a hijab.
War broke out in Sudan in April. War constantly seems to break out in Sudan but again I don’t see the internets rage and anger and reposting about those affected by it.
I don’t know how to hold all these things in my head at the same time. To gain knowledge and try to help and have empathy when the noise around them is so deafening.
I’m expected to do all of this as well as book my holiday to Greece?
Because that is the reality of my life. I’m going to Greece for my birthday. I need to book my ticket.
Am I slowly but surely becoming desensitised to the issues at hand because they’re coming at me at a rate I can’t keep up with?
Or am I turning away from them because it’s the pinnacle of the zeitgeist and I find the noise around it pretentious peacocking?
OR am I shamefully doing nothing, and getting on with my life, that is so far removed from those in danger, because I don’t want to deal with it?
********
Standing at the reception desk in my restaurant a large table behind me receives their desserts. Nine people in total, probably in their late 40s to early 60s.
Right then The host says as he tucks into his banoffee choux bun Are we ready to start the debate?
Will we still be friends afterwards? A woman nervously jokes reaching for her coffee
Why don’t we begin by going round the table and saying where we stand?
Each person then states whether they are pro Israel or pro Palestine. The debate begins. Which country should back down first. Who is more entitled to bomb the other one and not feel so bad about it.
They seemed pleased with themselves that they are able to discuss such a hot, contentious topic. They plead their cases for whichever side they were on. Inevitably a few voices speak louder and longer than others. Pretending to work I try to eavesdrop on the conversation that followed but I can'’t keep up.
A customer needs to know where the toilet is. Another person wants the Wifi code. I have a report to write. My work has to continue.
The Israel/Gaza war has become a dinner party talking point where people can debate who they think is right and who is wrong.
*******
There are a lot of questions that I don’t have the answers to. I don’t know if any one does. But I know that I’m troubled by how we handle world events these days.
Real people are involved and I think the internet can so easily make us forgot that. As soon as you put your phone down they’re gone. You don’t need to deal with it and you don’t even have to think about it if you don’t want to.
I tell myself that the talking and the shouting and the reposting and the telling us where to look and what to do is simply an attempt to keep those alive that have gone.
All those women that were raped and murdered and those children who lost their lives or their families and all the needlessly dead people are now a worthy talking point in a posh restaurant over a birthday dinner and that doesn’t seem quite right.
Their memories are floating around Instagram as someone asks me for a Wifi code and I check sky scanner for the cheapest flights to Greece.
Prague | Dec 2022
The Contents of My Consumption
~ Watching 📺~
Ohhhh Sophia Vergara you dreamboat. This was her project that she fought to bring to the table. She wanted to show she was more than Gloria Prichett in Modern Family and she is gloriuos. Half in English and half in Spanish Griselda depicts the real life Colombian drug lord, Grisleda Blanco, as she takes over Miami in the late 70s/early 80s. I was gripped but also disturbed by the violence. There’s a lot. It took me a while to watch the whole series but it’s worth it.
Kooky AF! I knew this movie by Yorgos Lanthimos {He of The Lobster and The Favourite} was going to be a little out there but I really enjoyed it and was really inspired by it. Asthetically I thought it was beautiful. So original, the costumes are incredible and while I started off thinking the storyline was mysogynistic I soon changed my mind as Emma Stone’s character grew and went in a direction I wasn’t expecting.
~ Reading 📖 ~
The Paper Palace | Miranda Cowley Heller
I’ve become part of a small splinter Book Club in Brighton and this had already been read by a few and was on my ‘to read pile’ so I dove in. Set in Cape Cod it takes place over one day and follows Elle as she decides what to do about a situation that’s been brewing for decades. A super quick read that has a gorgeous setting {I daydreamed a lot about Summer swimming in lakes} and at times can shock you but just as easily make you laugh.
I really enjoyed reading journalist Eleanor Mills’ take on FOMO and what a privilege, in this day and age, it is to grow old. I read it twice as so much of it resonated with me. She talks so eloquently about growing older and putting things into perspective.
Jemima Kirke isn’t playing herself by Rachel Connolly| GQ magazine
Also loved this article on Jemima Kirke. She’s a complicated, insightful beast who talks about the juxtaposition of having kids young when she was filming the most talked about TV show for young woman, Girls. She’s also reflective on what they thought they were doing with feminism and how they shot and portrayed sex scenes
“On Girls, we thought we were doing a different version of feminism,” she says. “We thought that by being less precious about our bodies, and by not thinking of them as something to hide or protect against the male gaze, that was our version of feminism at the time. And I felt it, I liked it, I agreed with it. It was not in line with what #MeToo became. It didn’t really catch on,” she says. “I think our underlying, unspoken hope was that people would become more slutty. More reckless. Not reckless, reckless is the wrong word because it implies danger. But be less precious about sex.”
Budapest | Sept 2017
Tiny Tales in 10 x 10
Inspired by Tiny Love Stories, as part of Modern Love for The New York Times, I decided to challenge myself to writing short stories in no more than 100 words…
I can never tell you about the things that make my heart explode because once you’re aware of them it won’t be the same. You’d probably still do them but then you’d know that they’re special. No doubt it would go to your head. They are tiny things that are second nature to you but rare to me. You offer to hold my bag. You give your food to me first. You jump up to get me wine. You pay for drinks with no fuss. I am a feminist but you are an old school gentlemen and I like it.
100/100
Friends fallen out with one another, angry , scared,increasingly hurt by each other's feelings on war or genocide.
I'm sure we become desensitised by regular exposure to any kind of experience and I think that's the nature of humanity.
Throughout history those feelings are held somewhere deep and I think they come back to be processed. I think that we all carry the emotional damages of shared histories ..
It's something that I'm thinking about a lot but I'm no expert.
Tim xx
I hear your ReRe. You’ve highlighted the challenge really beautifully. Social media makes it really hard these days to know what is real and what isn’t. I too don’t have any answers but the only thing I’m resolute about is making an effort to be a kinder human being every day to those I know and especially don’t know. With everything we’re all absorbing, experiencing and dealing with daily, it’s a wonder we can actually function sometimes. And I guess that’s where social media comes in. If you can create a curated world resembles something different to your reality, you can live vicariously through it and use second hand emotions to avoid the real ones. Sometimes it feels like we’ll wake up one day and realise social media and our access to unfiltered opinions and brain fudge was the worst experiment we ever conducted on ourselves. ... I love you and think you’re brave for putting your self out here. Lx