I am exhausted

...But still find time to talk about the future of young men and how they need to move forward. As well as looking at the state of journalism and a sweet comedy about grief.

ATTENTION! ATTENTION!

THIS PIECE INCLUDES SPOILERS FROM THE BARBIE MOVIE. REALLY BIG SPOILERS….I basically quote an entire chunk…SO BE WARNED!

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Hey Buddy,

I heard you had a chat with Caitlin Moran at one of her talks, right?

Yeah, She spoke on Woman’s hour {start at 43.20 to hear the whole conversation} about how you high jacked her session and asked ‘What about men?’ You reeled off that you thought it’s harder to be a man than it is to be a woman these days. That ‘girls are winning and boys are losing’.

You were angry she said and some stats came out about boys being more likely to be expelled from school, men making up the majority of the homeless and the prison population and the biggest killer of men under 50 is suicide.

Great. Great that you have all these statistics about how hard it is to be a man.

They aren’t great statistics but it’s great that you have them to hand. In fact they’re pretty awful statistics and they’re sad and I have sympathy for you. It’s almost as if they’re on a par with the statistics for women when it comes to…..oh hang on…let me have a little think here. Oh, um…well, the gender pay gap. Rape. Genital mutilation. Domestic abuse. Everyday sexism.

FYI that’s being judged on your sex EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Sure we’ve moaned about our ‘hardships’ in the past too. We moaned for years and years and SO many years but then we rallied and we did something about it. We did ask for help. We asked numerous times but we weren’t listened to so we had to do it on our own. Which means you’re going to have to as well because, personally, I am exhausted.

If my time was up tomorrow I would be fine with that.

Not because I’m particularly happy with everything I’ve achieved in my life ~ I’ve still got season 4 of Succession to watch. And not because I think it’s my time to vacate this earth but because I’m so fucking tired. I’m tired of what I’ve waded through for 45 years and I’m exasperated at what’s to come.

You’re moaning and it’s been ‘tough’ for you for 10 minutes. You’re worried that you’re getting the short end of the stick but you’re holding the stick, Buddy! You’ve always been holding the stick. The stick works in your favour. Always has done and will continue to do so for a long time. You’re lucky enough that the opposite sex listen to you and empathise and one of us even wrote a book for you!

Which technically means, once again, you’ve got women doing your work for you.

You need to get off your soapbox, pipe down, listen, learn and make the necessary changes so that male suicide isn’t the biggest killer of young men. Start talking to other men about anything and everything and if they don’t listen to you or make everything into a joke ~ Move on. Find men who aren’t embarrassed to talk about their feelings. I guarantee you there are millions of you out there. I know this for a fact because so many of them are my friends. It’s not our job to do this for you. We have SO much other stuff to be getting on with.

I went to see the Barbie movie. Course I did. I wore pink and apprehensively went to support this much hyped film. 3/4’s of the way through there’s a speech from America Ferrara’s character about life as a woman ~

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because it’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behaviour, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself in knots so that people will like us.

What a gut wrenching speech.

If you’ve not got time to read Caitlin Moran’s book because you’re too busy reciting Jordan Peterson’s rhetoric just go and see the Barbie movie. All the information is there spelled out for you in pink and white.

Even at the end of the movie, when Barbie has so much self discovery to undertake, when she wants to get her house back in order and maybe book in with a therapist she is empathetic to Ken’s needs. She is the one who listens. She is the one who helps him make sense of the mess he’s made and offers suggestions about where he should perhaps go next in life.

BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT WOMEN ARE CONDITIONED TO DO.

You have to answer for men’s bad behaviour, which is insane, but if you point that out you’re accused of complaining

With all the empathy in the world. Fuck off Ken.

For me Ken stole the show too. I know I’m not supposed to say that but he did! He had the most fun scenes, the wittiest lines. It was comedy japes all round for him….even when he was sad! Barbie had to go on a message led journey of fighting the patriarchy and finding out where she fits into the real world. Ken was given such a great song. Oh the envy…

And! And we weren’t even able to relax and enjoy the movie.

There are arguments being made that all the Barbie movie really represents is more consumerism and an idealised ‘solution’ to the patriarchy’s beauty standards on women. Which, sadly, aren’t going away anytime soon.

I wore Barbie merch in the 90s. It was club kitsch cute and I found myself googling that same heart shaped hot pink plastic bag and wondering if I could pull it off 25 years later. No! I shouted throwing my phone on the bed. I will NOT get sucked into the trap of consumerism that’s being sublimely sold to me.

I smugly assumed I’d managed to resist falling into the perfect beauty standards this film feigns not to extol. But the image that constantly pops into my head is that of Margot Robbie’s toned and tanned calves.

I think about those calves during all the exercise classes I attend. Four times a week.

SO, Buddy. While you’re complaining about everything you think you don’t have and are drying your tears on Andrew Tate’s taint I can’t even watch a movie that was made for me without feeling guilty.

Like I said. I’m exhausted.

The start of any new movement is clunky. There’s raised voices, not a lot of listening and perhaps the wrong people are talking first. But it’s a start.

I’ve heard what you have to say. You’re not happy.

Now tell me what you’re going to do about it…..

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Madrid | July 2017

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The Contents of My Consumption

~ Watching ~

• Mum | BBC Iplayer

  Mum is such a gem. It’s been around for a few years now but all three seasons are back on Iplayer and are so worth a watch {rewatch in my case} I love it’s subtlty, how slow it is and it’s characters. Him and Her creator, Stefan Golaszewski, has written a beautiful quiet comedy about grief and all the small everyday things that happen as you’re getting on with life….Oh and it’s also a love story.

• Wellmania | Netflix

  If you’re not aware of Celeste Barber’s Instagram page then get on board. She’s a hilarious reality check in the fantasy filled world of social media bullshit. She plays the lead in Wellmania, an Aussie comedy taking the piss out of the ‘wellness’ world and highlights just how ridiculous it really is. Also loved seeing the landscape of Sydney and being reminded of how beautiful it is.

~ Listening ~

• Pop Culture with Chanté Joseph: Why are so many publications in trouble? | Spotify

  I really enjoyed listening to this discussion about journalism and what’s currently happening with it on the Guardian’s pop culture podcast. I’d read for a while now that journalism is in trouble and have been intrigued as to where we're all going to get our reliable news from and also how all those writers are making/will make a living. If you’re interested in the future of journalism and how we’re going to consume our news then definitely worth a listen.

~ Reading ~

• Adam Buxton Interview | The Guardian

  I was always a little dubious of Adam Buxton. I thought he was a smug, private school posho who wasn’t particularly funny. Then I started listening to his podcast and began to really like him. He’s genuinely interested in people and is kind and super sensitive. I found this interview with him a little sad. He’s talked often about his parents dying, as well as his, at times, competitive childhood friendships with Joe Cornish and Louis Theroux. He’s an insecure beast who shouldn’t be as I’m sure at any party he’d be the most fun and interesting guy to talk to.

• “Orange is the New Black” Signalled the Rot Inside The Streaming Economy | The New Yorker

  Was really shocked reading this New Yorker piece about how poorly some of the actors were paid on Orange is the New Black. In the wake of the current WGA strike in America it looks at the fact that the show itself was making millions but some actors had to keep their day jobs. Really not encouraging when it was touted as a feminist break through in the world of TV when it first aired in 2013.

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Tibilsi | May 2022

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What are you thoughts, Gang?

Did you love/loathe Barbie?

Do you think there should be more attention on men?

Considering there are a plethora of ‘problems’ with how we’re raising young men these days what are the solutions?

As always I’m super interested in your thoughts my lovely readers. Thanks for making it to the end.

See you in a couple of weeks when I’ll start highlighting great women over the age of 50…..I see you Ladies, I see you xx