Fangirl #1: Find yourself a cheerleader
Part one of the Fangirl series looking at compliments, cheerleading and when being a Fangirl isn’t so bad….
Why you so beautiful?
I look up to where the voice is coming from into the ridiculously handsome face of Hamza.
Brother of Alpha Boy he has the same Spanish/Moroccan good looks ~ Dark skin, full lips, masculine sexuality oozing out of every pore. Whereas Alpha Boy has a face like a smacked ass, Hamza’s is the complete opposite. The cheeky younger brother side of him shines through a mega watt smile that takes up half his face. Straight white teeth fill his mouth when he grins and the naughtiest laugh often erupts.
Eh! I ask you…Why you so beautiful?
I faux coyly look down and shrug my shoulders
Because I just am
He growls at me Ehhhh…. So sexy as well
I turn back to my screen nonchalantly replying Yeah, I know
He’s 25. Or maybe he’s 22. He could be 28. I can’t remember. All I know is he’s in his twenties. He’s funny and fit and kind and he flirts with me. He wraps his arms around me and laughs with me and at me. He’s a yes man who when I ask for things at work ~ tables back, customers to be sat, sneaky food for myself ~ he gives them to me without hesitation. He takes me for drinks after work, tells me jokes, is incredibly easy on the eye and often comes to find me when he senses the frown can’t be turned upside down.
He is my friend and my cheerleader.
My one man hype show. A walking, talking PMA that I get to spend 11 hours of my day with.
It’s not only me he champions though. I see him like it with most people.
Come on I know you can do this!
Eh! The best drinks runner in all the land here…
Let’s be the best that we can be today please, People!
******
The power of a compliment can be intoxicating but for some reason we find it difficult to impart them. The giver feels awkward and believes the receiver won’t want to hear what we have to say.
Have we always been this way or did we lose something overtime? Who doesn’t want to hear a compliment?
I distinctly remember the first time I realised the power, and almost manipulation, a compliment can achieve. I was a waiter in my first job in London in 2000. My manager, who was the same age as me, was about to ask me to do a crap job. I knew what she was going to ask me. Noone wanted to do the job. I braced myself for what was coming. Ready to whine about how much I didn’t want to do it.
I’d like you to do it because you’re so well organised and you can be really efficient.
I could not believe my ears.
Finally I felt like I had been seen. The effort I put in. The {limited} skills I had. She had noticed them and she had praised them. I couldn’t get to that crap job that needed doing quick enough.
Establishing a positive organizational culture, one in which employees and managers support one another, should be a top priority for organizations. Expressing praise and gratitude is particularly important for keeping up morale. Gratitude makes people feel values, and positive feedback has been shown to mitigate the negative effects of stress on employee performance.
Taken from The Harvard Business review article ‘A simple compliment can make a difference’ written by Erica Boothby, Xuan Zhao and Vanessa Bohns it also claims that
Neuroscientists have even shown that the brain processes verbal affirmations similarly to financial rewards
At this point in my life I would really like to ALSO have the financial reward but in the grey, dark depths of my forties I’ll take the compliments. The flirting should admittedly be kept between friends, especially in a work environment, but the positive affirmations are most welcome.
Just like my managers words back in 2000, Hamza’s positivity and cheerleading will often lift my day. In return I try and pay it forward.
You look great Is a phrase I love to impart to women who have made the effort to get dressed up. Whether it’s their outfit choices, a bright lipstick, skin that glows with nothing but moisturiser and a smile.
It can feel awkward to pay someone you don’t know a compliment and for so long women have been pitched against each other so it’s not been the done thing. Women supporting women is still, sadly, a rarity.
But take it from someone who’s been practicing it for a while now the response back is never negative. Never. It’s usually met with surprise. They’re either not feeling it or the typical British response of batting it away can arise but I double down and tell them No. You do. You look great. You’ve made my day by visualling brightening it.
WELL DONE! Is a phrase my friend Sophie regularly tells me. She is a cheerleader of small observations, kind gestures, moving forward during a tough time. It puffs my chest and makes me feel like I’ve achieved something.
As an extension of WELL DONE! ~ You’re doing really well is banded around our group of 40/50 year old friends.
Yes, your mother died but you got out of bed and made it to work. You’re doing really well.
I see that your kids are a lot and everything that encompasses parenting isn’t shared equally with your husband. Hang on in there. You’re doing really well.
Surrounding yourself with cheerleaders can have such a wide range of positive effects on both the pom pom waver and the viewer in the stands
There is ample evidence that giving someone else a boost, whether giving compliments or expressing gratitude, has a mood-lifting effect and contributes to well-being. This means that everyone benefits — givers and receivers alike.
So go find your Hamza’s and your Sophie’s and stick with them. Make up your tight knit community of people who’s outlook and actions lift your spirits and encourage you. Find a job/boss that mirrors this or, if you are the boss, create a work environment that prioritises a positive organisational culture.
Indulge in the flirt, revel in the positive and pay someone a compliment. Especially women to women. We need all the support we can get. Trust me. It’s guaranteed to make both your days.
And if you need to hear it today ~
You look so great. You ARE doing really well.
Well Bloody Done.
To be continued…….
If you enjoyed reading this post then do feel free to click that saweeet ❤️ and/or forward it on to someone else you think might be interested. It all helps…
Further AD Writes reading should you be interested:
💕Alpha Boy ~ The origins of Hamza’s brother
💞Power to the People ~ What actually is power and what good can be done with it
💗Who are you taking with you? ~ A look at the type of community you should build around you.
València | Oct 2023
The Contents of My Consumption
~ Watching 📺~
Day of the Jackal | Sky Ondemand/Now TV
Late to the party I know but I’m here and it was thoroughly engrossing! I’m not the biggest fan of Steady Redmane {Joke courtesy of Soph} but his acting was very muted in this 10 part spy thriller so I could handle it. The locations all over Europe were gorgeous and made for perfect ‘Beginning of the year holiday planning’. Yes, I would now like to go to Tallinn. There’s twists on twists and enough suspense to make you want to binge it but don’t. Savour its beauty and the great plot….Season Two I can’t wait!
The Diplomat. Season 2. | Netflix
Pure cheese that I started watching last year. Keri Russell and Rufus Sewell play American ambassadors in the UK and…..well all the drama that goes with that. Dealing with the British Prime Minster {A rather predictable Rory Kinnear}, threats from Russia, bombs, love interests. Their relationship is complicated and I won’t spoil their situation but I like that it’s being shown as a realistic {strained at times} almost functioning partnership. A great Sunday on the sofa watch that will keep you intrigued.
The Six Triple Eight | Netflix
I bawled through most of this. I already knew the story of the only female, all black squadron of soliders that went to Europe during Second World War. They were tasked with sorting out all the backed up post between families and soldiers out in the field. Tyler Perry’s retelling of the story {Staring Kerry Washington} is not without fault but its educational, uplifting and heartening.
~ Reading 📖 ~
Women, Race & Class by Angela Y. Davies
A gift from my brother in law this non fiction book actually feels readable. Too often I find writing on political and social issues far too academic. I have to reread sentences because they’re too complicated and then feel frustrated that I’m not progressing swiftly enough. Davies’ writing is digestible and throughly researched. Starting with women’s experiences in slavery it covers women of colour during the white feminist suffragette movement up to modern day {It was written in the 70s} struggles with class and race. An enlightening read.
How the Thinocracy bit back by Victoria Moss | Everything is Content
I sometimes can’t believe the same issues are still swilling around the world from when I was a teenager. Victoria Moss’ piece about the return to thinness on the catwalks and in fashion is brilliantly written but is also a sober reminder that while we all need to love recycling this is a trend that does not need to be used again.
Worthing | March 2020
Hey Lovers,
Fangirl #2: Why You Should Sometimes Meet Your Heroes will be dropping into your inboxes in two weeks time. Become a Paid Subscriber for just £3.50 a month so you can read all about my what happened when I met two of my heroes over the past year…….
As ever thanks for reading, supporting and providing a positive work environment.
I’ll be sure to big you up to HR