What Do Women Carry?
Looking at all the things that Women carry throughout their lives. Also recommending a book that made me love books EVEN more and a documentary that made me feel like a teenager. Welcome one & all…
If you enjoy reading this post then do feel free to click that saweeet ❤️ and/or forward it on to someone else you think might be interested. It all helps…
What do Women carry?
So much it seems…..
I see so much weight on Women’s shoulders these days.
Has it always been there? Did I not notice it or did I choose to ignore it?
Maybe I decided that the things I see weighing women down are just a part of being a Woman. Maybe I’d been taught that these are the things you’re supposed to carry and pass on to the Women coming up behind you.
I don’t think I want to carry so much anymore.
I don’t want the weight to be passed down either. I want it to be dropped altogether. And if Women can’t be relieved of this burden then I want the load to be shared.
The heavy pressure on their shoulders is varied. I see the pain, the shame, the fear they carry most of all. Maybe I see these things so clearly because I have them in abundance. They’re built into me. I carry all that pain and shame and surprising fear that comes with having a female body.
Hide what might be distracting to others. It’s our fault if others can’t control themselves.
There can be a debilitating pain that drags and draws and pours inside and out of you. Suck it up and get on with it.
It’s what Women are supposed to do.
Producing life comes with so much pain and joy and surprise but then inevitably shame. Praised, cherished and lourded whilst creating. Shamed, ignored and asked to hide when it’s over. Once our bodies have been used it’s our responsibility to whip it back into shape. No space to heal or let go or just be. The shame of what forms our bodies take, after they’ve transitioned, can be crippling. As we age and soften and spread the expectations of how to display it all can be overwhelming.
Control your bodies please ladies! But WAIT! You can’t have full control….Some decisions will, of course, be made by others. How it looks though? Well there are standards that need to be met so keep on top of that.
Women carry the responsibility of children and being food and the home and the care and the anxiety and the emotions and all the expectations that come with having chosen that life.
Hey! You chose that, you take on all that weight.
You can believe it will be shared at the beginning but the divide is never equal.
Why isn’t it ever equal?
The weight is so heavy and so all consuming can’t they see we’re drowning under the pressure of it all?
You can have it all is a pressure so tantilising to carry, to want to bear, and then so burdensome when you realise it’s not true.
Women carry the fear of judgement and resentment and envy and blistering anger from other Women for the choices we make. Damned if we do, questioned if we don’t, shamed if we can’t. The sadness of realising we are not all in this together, that our desires and needs and wants are not all understood under the same weighty blanket we collectively carry can be exhausting.
But Women also carry an abundance of love and empathy and understanding and a strength unseen and so powerful it can surprise us all. The joy that some of that weight brings is unique to us but shouldn’t be taken for granted.
For millennia Women’s pleasure has been second. An after thought if a thought at all. To deal with this Women carry fantasies. So many fantasies. Sexual, maternal, driven, easy, inappropriate, desirable, wretched, insatiable…..
While the love and empathy and fantasies can all be fun and joyful they can all add to the weight. They’re mixed up, mingling in, making the load heavier. Sometimes they’re hard to separate. Fantasies and shame so often go hand in hand. Pain and joy can be frequent bed fellows when they’re connected to fellow beings.
Balancing what a Woman carries can be so hard.
Ask to take some of the weight. Better still, work out where the load can be lightened and take it regardless. Don’t wait until the overbearing burden weighs their shoulders down and they’re bent double. Step in before that happens and transfer some of it onto your own shoulders. Share it and watch her grow. Watch her bloom with the love, the empathy and the understanding and bask in the glow of her strength.
To all those Women carrying too much at the moment, I see you.
My arms are free. Let me lighten your load and share some of your burden.
I wrote this deliberately trying not to make it so binary but the truth is I wrote it to be read by men about women. There is a smaller percentage of men who subscribe to this newsletter so if you believe you would benefit from sharing this with a man, if you feel this would lighten your load with a partner or think someone else would like to read it then please do pass it on.
To paraphrase that once loved and now disgraced pervert, Louis CK ‘You’ve got to double check in with women. They’re so used to saying they’re ok when they’re not’
The weight we carry is sometimes only visible when it’s too late.
Further AD Writes reading should you be interested:
London | September 2023
The Contents of My Consumption
~ Watching 📺~
Fashion, pop culture and the 90s….What more do you want from a documentary? Absolutely loved this six part series, centered around Vogue, looking at major elements that shaped the decade. There’s so much fab nostalgia and a retelling of major cultural moments from all those involved ~ That famous CK1 advert, Alexander McQueen arriving on the scene, Hip Hops influence on the fashion world….
If you’ve not already lost a week binge watching Kaos then I say dive in. Written and directed by Charlie Covall {End of the Fucking World} this modern day retelling of Zeus and Hades {The underworld} and all the chaos that ensued is similtaneously thrilling and frustrating. I found the writing and acting clunky at times but the subject matter was interesting enough and different to anything out there to keep me gripped. I did want a Ladybird’s ‘Beginners guide to the Greek Gods’ to reference though so I knew who was who and what their origins were.
~ Listening 🎧 ~
Wiser than me with Julia Louis-Dreyfus | Wherever you listen to your podcasts
I was about to tell you Season 2 of this fabulous podcast has arrived when i’ve just seen a trailer for Season 3! So many amazing women! Julia chats to older women she admires about life, love and the lessons they’ve learnt along the way. Season 2 includes Patti Smith, Billie Jean King and Debbie Allen. Love listening to this so much and it always motivates me.
~ Reading 📖 ~
Are the Men doing this? by JoJo Moyes | Everything is Material | Substack
Are the men doing this? Caitlin Moran will often ask. The answer is usually a big fat ‘Naaaaa….course not’ Author JoJo Moyes looks at the questions she’ll be asked and the articles she’ll be pitched to write in the build up to promoting her latest novel. No she doesn’t want to talk about her divorce, her family, her cankles or anything personal. She just wants to discuss the work. Is that too hard to do?
The Storied Life of AJ Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin
Having devoured Tomorrow, Tomorrow and Tomorrow my friend Elisa {And only other member of the 3rd book club I’m in} wanted to read more of Zevin and chose this. Again I loved it. The pace at which her stories move on and the characters involved are so compelling. Following the life of recently widowed book seller, AJ Fikry, we find out what happens when a toddler is left in his store one night. Reading it made me love books and reading and human nature all the more. There’s also a film adaptation out which looks positively LUSH!
London | August 2024